Twister
by LaurelSilver
Summary: The residents of floor Alternia play a peasant-y game. Human!school!au


Your name is Vriska Serket, and you hate assigned accommodation.

The school you attend, Sburb Academy, has assigned you a large apartment taking up the first floor of a massive building, assigning eleven other people to live with you. These eleven are a mix of sexes, ethnicities, nationalities, classes, interests, abilities; the academy is practically fellating itself on it's political forwardness. You live on floor 'A', renamed floor 'Alternia' by Terezi Pyrope, a blind student with a grating laugh and a hard-on for dragons. You, of course, have taken bedroom 8, between Equis Zahark, a beefcake of a mechanics students with a thing about social class and horse dicks, and Kanaya Maryam, a fashion student who owns a chainsaw for some unknown reason.

Scratch, the head of the building, has demanded that you learn to get along well. You have to spend several hours of your week team-building and bonding with your house-mates. And tonight, Karkat Vantas, possibly the loudest fuckass you've ever met, has decided he wants to, so the whole apartment has to, play twister.

However, it seems, as usual, Karkat hasn't really thought this stupid game through. First of all, you can't fit twelve people on one twister mat. Luckily, not all of you want to play. Second of all, Terezi is blind; she can't see what she's putting her hand or her foot or her tongue or whatever on, no matter how well she can maneuver without needing assistance. Third of all, Tavros Nitram, a philosophy student with a thing for fakey fairies, is paralyzed from the waist down. Fourth of all… you don't know, but four goes into eight better than three does, and the number eight is important to you because spiders.

Of course, as soon as Karkat had said the phrase "Oy, crotch suckers! Bulb-head says we have to do this shitty bonding shit, so as your leader, I say we should play Twister," an absolute bitch-fest had started.

Feferi Peixes is a marine biology student who grew up in South-African royalty, living a ridiculously sheltered life. She gets excited over the smallest things, simply because she's never done them before. She also doesn't know what a lot of non-fish-related things are. Such as Twister. Seriously. She's never heard of _Twister_.

Eridan Ampora is the only white resident of the flats, and is a massive whiny douche. He's studying science, but is really shit at it. He's also shit at relationships, and shit at shutting his whiny breathing-hole. He has the biggest crush on Feferi, and jumped to explain Twister to her, describing it as a peasant-y game about climbing over each other to reach dots until you fall and crush whoever's underneath you. Not a bad explanation, you think.

Gamzee Makara is gigolo stoner, wearing so much clown-face makeup that his hands are the only indication of his dark skin. Well, that and the black dreadlocks, anyway. He's studying acrobatics and is surprising sporty; strong enough to pick Tavros up when he rolls out of his bed in his sleep, nimble enough to climb trees with Nepeta, and undoubtedly flexible enough to win a game of Twister. He, of course, had been happy to play, _best motherfucking friend_.

Equis says he can't. He has some sort of gland problem, causing him to sweat ridiculous amounts, and it congeals into a bad-smelling sheen over his brown skin. He was worried about causing an accident on the plastic sheet.

You agree to play. You've got nothing better to do. That's a lie. You could be writing one of your epic hunter stories, or re-reading one of your favourite naval novels by Marquise Spinneret Mindfang. But saying that would get Karkat's pants in the biggest twist you will have ever seen, so you don't bother. As funny as Karkat's rants are, you can't be bothered with with his comically bad mouth tonight.

Terezi snaps at Karkat for forgetting that she's blind. Karkat apologises. You don't think the apology was sincere. You don't think Terezi's snapping was completely sincere either. There's so much hate/sexual tension between them, you could cut it with a knife. Or a chainsaw.

Kanaya simply says no. You don't blame her; you can't play Twister in a skirt like that. And Kanaya seems to be preoccupied with texting her girlfriend, a writer living several floors above you called Rose.

Nepeta Leijon, a Chinese-Russian artist with autism and a love for cats, immediately agreed to play, giving Equis a hug when he can't play. She helps unroll the mat and gives Equis, who seems to have become a best friend and older brother figure to her, her scene-kid kitty hat to look after while she plays. He holds it carefully.

Sollux Captor, a Polynesian computer programmer with a heavy lisp, said he didn't want to do. He doesn't give any further explanation, and Feferi fawns over him with worry; Sollux has a long history of both depression and bipolar disorder, and Feferi worries about him a lot. Eridan is pathetically jealous, and Sollux revels in the whiny boy's hatred. Again, you cut the sexual tension with a chainsaw.

Tavros shows off his Canadian roots by apologising for not being able to play. You want to squeeze him until his adorable little face is a bright shade of blue; he's just so _cute_ at times and it makes you sick. Yes, you have a swinging crush on Tavros Nitram. He's a huge dork, loves to read and role play, and the mohawk and large upper-body make him look like he could easily be badass if he only knew how. Unfortunately, he doesn't know how, and is just a massive baby to the extent that he's boring and downright pathetic at times. Just as unfortunately, Gamzee also has a huge crush on the philosopher, and while Tavros hasn't returned Gamzee's advances, he hasn't exactly turned them down either.

Aradia Megido, a Japanese-born history and archaeology student, agrees to play in that monotonous, empty voice of hers. Nepeta grins happily as Aradia joins her on the edge of the plastic sheet. Equis apparently has a crush on Aradia, and Nepeta is trying to shove Equis to make a move, but he constantly finds an excuse, usually his perspiration problem, to avoid it. Aradia doesn't know. Or does, and hasn't said anything. It's hard to tell with her.

Karkat, a linguist suffering from both dwarfism and melanism, gives the spinner to Sollux, pulling Feferi away to play the game. Eridan plays, only because Feferi is. Terezi wanders off to skype a rap-loving comic artist living with Kanaya's girlfriend. Tavros wheels to sit at the edge of the plastic sheet. Gamzee stands on one side of him. Deciding that your crush is currently at liking the fairy-loving boy, you stand on his other side, having a short glare-off with Gamzee.

Sollux calls the beginning of the game; right hand red.

Everything's well and good for several minutes. Tavros is careful to cheer for both you and Gamzee in equal amounts, and roughly equal enthusiasm. Eridan is already out, and he and Sollux are having a competition over who can be the most supportive of Feferi.

Sollux calls the next move; left foot blue.

You have to put almost all of your weight on your left hand. Now would perhaps be a good time to mention that a burst pipe took your left arm and eye when you were very young, and you now have a plastic left arm as fake as Tavros's fairies.

Plastic slides on plastic, and you face plant the floor with a loud curse.

You pick yourself up with as much dignity as you can. Gamzee might be grinning at you slyly, but it's hard to tell with all that makeup he wears. You assume he is grinning at you, and plop yourself down in Tavros's lap. He blushes crimson, and Karkat and Nepeta's squealing and fawning causes both of them to fall.

Just Feferi, Aradia and Gamzee left. After an elbow to the ribs from his 'little sister', Equis cheers for Aradia. Sollux and Eridan cheer for Feferi at competitive volumes, and you are surprised the kids from apartment B (or Beforus as Terezi and some skateboard-loving girl from apartment Beforus have decided) haven't come down to complain. You're also glad they haven't, because they'd probably send Kankri, and he irritates you like fuck. Tavros continues to stutter out encouragement for Gamzee. You cheer from Gamzee too, completely sarcastically.

Right foot green, and Aradia is down. Just Feferi and Gamzee left. Left hand yellow, and Feferi is down.

Gamzee tips himself back up, standing upright with a goofy grin at Tavros. "Kiss for the winner?"

Equis whistles at the athlete's smoothness. Gamzee leans past you, and Tavros gives him a peck on the cheek, getting white makeup on his lips and red flushing on his cheeks. Gamzee's grin widens, and you have never wanted to punch a face so badly in all your life.

Sollux leans on Feferi with a sigh. "I hope I called the colours right."

It is then that you and everyone else in the room remember that Sollux is colour blind.

* * *

><p><strong>This wasn't supposed to turn out so long. Oops.<strong>

**Based on a tumblr story that never fails to make me smile.**

**I quite like writing as Vriska. Her bluntness matches up with my writing voice quite well.**

**First Homestuck story!  
>I own nothing<br>-Laurel Silver**


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